How to Teach Your Teen to be Positive and Confident

I was always a good mom but there was a point that I was starting to dislike the person that I was. Most of the time I was optimistic but then there were those times when I was miserable. I never took that out on my baby girl but kids know, we just don’t know that they know. Getting to the bottom of the problem became important to me because I didn’t like what it was unintentionally teaching my daughter.

On one hand I was teaching her the value of marriage and to work through it even when it was hard. On the other hand I was teaching her that you have to sit in the problem. How could I verbalize to her that “getting knocked down was a part of life but it is not okay to stay down” when I was modeling the opposite?! I was tired of that so I had to make some decisions to get me to a better place mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Letting go is hard

I decided to leave my marriage and start over. For the first time I was a single mother. Her entire life my daughter had always had both parents in the home. I was married for 11 years and in that relationship for 16 years when I decided to step away. That was one of the toughest decisions that I had ever made in my life. He was all I had known for my whole adult life, we grew up together but I lost myself, as most of us women do, yet that was not the only reason why I decided to leave. I say that we did not grow apart because we never grew together.

Going through a divorce made me sit back and reflect on the things that I did towards the demise of our marriage. In that reflection it made me realize that I wanted to change some things. I made the decision to make a conscious effort to change. I’m on a personal growth journey to be the best person that I can and to live the best life that I can. I am navigating life in a different way and I am bringing my teenage daughter along with me. We’re learning and doing life together and keeping our experiences as positive as possible.

Lead by example

The most important way that I try to teach my teenage daughter positivity is by modeling it for her myself. You know the old saying “lead by example”. I try to keep my attitude controlled by seeing the positive outcome in situations. She also sees me be kind to people. She sees me take the high road and be the bigger person, even when it is hard to be. Likewise she sees me apologize when I do wrong. Children, especially teenagers are so impressionable and vulnerable; I would prefer for my daughter to look up to me more than any other person and I would only be proud if I knew that I was doing everything humanly possible to be a great role model for her. 

There are a few things that I’ve incorporated into my life to make my life a better one and to set an example for my daughter. Each thing that I have done has become so crucial to the success of my evolution. I knew that I wanted my transition to be in the form of mind, body and soul and I wanted my daughter to watch me as I was transitioning so that I could model it and we could transition together.

Make a choice

The first thing that I began to do was to choose happiness and joy over everything. At this point in life it became extremely important to truly have the mindset of happiness and to just walk in it. I choose not to allow things or people to get in my space and allow that negative energy in it. I choose to walk away at all times because everything that we do is by choice.

Health is important

I also chose to begin working out six days a week and I began a healthier diet. I cut out sugar, I cut out caffeine and I even went vegan for about six weeks. The more I cut out processed foods and incorporated fresh fruit, whole foods and getting my body moving the better I began to feel. I believe that the food that we consume has a lot to do with how we feel internally. I needed my daughter to begin to see me flourish in every single way. Cutting out the “bad foods” and working out somehow allowed me to clear the clutter in my mind. 

Every single morning when I wake up, before my feet hit the floor to begin my day, I say a prayer. I thank God for waking me up and for everything that’s in my life. I started a gratitude journal that I write in daily. I’m pretty strategic about what I write. I write three things that I’m grateful for but I also write about things that I want in my life, call it manifesting, call it praying, a combination of the two, whatever it is that’s what I’m doing because I want to live the best life that I possibly can. My daughter keeps a journal as well and she knows the importance of manifesting, praying and gratitude.  

Get out of your comfort zone

I began to integrate social gatherings into my schedule. Being an introvert can keep me in a comfortable space, my home. I have been stepping out a little bit more and when friends invite me to do things I go, I actually go. I didn’t do that before because social gathering exhausted me. My daughter has even begun to accept invitations to hang out with her friends and is opening up to welcoming new people in her life.

I stopped saying no to opportunities but I also started saying “no”! I started saying no to things that would not serve me or my purpose and  things that I just didn’t want to do. “No, I’m not going to do that ” became a thing for me. And I was very comfortable saying so.

My daughter sees me push through tough things and yeah in the moment I may complain, maybe even say a curse word but I keep on pushing and she sees me conquer. I give myself the grace that is necessary at the time and she watches from afar. Everything that I do I know that I have these two eyes watching me at all times. 

Show them support

To help my daughter along her journey of life and to keep her on a positive track I let her know that I support her. I ask open ended questions to her and we assess the problem together but I allow her to express her view points. In our discussions I give advice, sometimes unsolicited, but she listens and we come up with a solution together. 

I allow my daughter to express herself through her clothing, her art, her makeup, including but not limited to the eyelashes that I do not like. They are allowed because she likes them and she is not causing any harm to anyone. I guide her but I give her freedom. She told a friend “my mom is not strict but I know not to play with her, she doesn’t let me run wild and I don’t want to”. She talks openly to me about everything because I allow her to express herself and her opinion without shutting her down.

I say that she is my best friend but she knows that I am her mother. I believe that it is okay to be my daughter’s friend because she has a safe space to go to when she needs one. My daughter knows that she can call on me for anything and I will not judge but I never have any worries because my daughter makes good decisions.

Set boundaries

I am a listening friend when I need to be and I am a mother when I need to be because I have set boundaries. My reason why I do everything is to make me a better person but I do it because of my daughter, she’s such an inspiration. Because I have set examples and communicate with my daughter we have an open relationship where we can talk about everything. She trusts me because we try to keep it positive in our home. Because we keep it so positive we are well on our way to being better people and living our absolute best lives, it’s happening for us right now. 

This is an article that was written for the website Love What Matters. The full article can be found here